Sunday, November 13, 2016

Sad and Scarry

On Tuesday morning, I woke up with  a big smile on my face.  I thought to myself, "we're going to make history today!"

After voting, Paul and I went out to brunch, and we talked about how much we'll miss Obama, but so excited about our first woman president.

Little did we realize HOW MUCH we really are going to miss President Obama.
The unthinkable happened,

I have been oscillating between anger and feeling despair since Tuesday evening.  I cannot stop crying. I never thought an election would make me so emotional.  Even back when George W Bush was elected I was pissed off but I never cried.

I realized I live in a country where half of the people may not see or want me as equal.  I realized half of the people can overlook or condone bigotry and hatred and voted for someone who has built his campaign based on hatred towards people like me.

Now, I am not OK with the talk of moving forward, working together.  The pain is too raw.
I can't, because I can't change who I am, a minority immigrant woman. I can't come to terms with knowing many of my neighbor, my coworkers, my students voted for bigotry.

On Wednesday,  I got few emails from colleagues about work.  They continued with their normal life while I felt like the world is falling apart.  I dragged myself to work.  I had to nod my head while they're excited about getting new computers for the classrooms. I was so numb. Students chatted, joked, though no one talked about politics, but no one acted like things were out of ordinary.  A Bernie Bro student said, "you must be upset."  I wanted to scream at him "FUCK YOU!" but I just ignored him and walked away.

No, I don't want to hear why half of the country voted the way they did.  Good for them that they can feel safe in a country that is taking a huge step backward in time when minorities, women, and LGBTQ were not treated as equal.  But we don't, we don't feel safe, so I don't care, not now, why they voted the man who spew all kinds of hate into power.

No, I don't want to hear about how Bernie or others could win.  Don't tell me shattering the glass ceiling is secondary.  It upsets me to hear that the only way to fight sexism is with an old white man.

I can't stop feeling very emotional.
One thing I can do is:

I will be donating 60% of pattern sales from November 2016 to Planned Parenthood. 
This is the place where I got my first annual check up in my early 20s, also the first place I got my birth control pills for free.


  1. I was thinking about you this morning, and of our shared despair. We must remember that half the population did not vote for him. Only about 1/4. More people that bothered to vote, voted for Hillary. It's cold comfort, but I am trying to hold on to that thought. I keep hoping for some sort of miracle. Like you, I'll be sending money to places that are going to need it. xo

  2. Caroline aka FiberTribeNovember 13, 2016 at 4:08 PM

    What Virginia said. And thank you for speaking out about this. We do NOT have to reconcile, build a bridge, or in any way support this fascist expletive. I am beyond distressed by the "crickets" silence in most of the knitting world with you, the Harlot, and a smattering of others being the exceptions. Thank you also for sharing your hard-earned funds with Planned Parenthood. Even though we don't "know" each other, please know that I have your back in any way I can. I am a child of immigrants, first generation on one side and 2nd on the other. We belong here and let no one tell us differently. Much love to you and Paul.

  3. I could have written this exact post. As a liberal democrat living in a conservative republican state, I am well-acquainted with being disappointed after an elections, but this goes beyond anything I have ever before felt. I am honestly TERRIFIED about what it means that so many people voted for Trump but also TERRIFIED about what it will mean when he's President. Also, at this point, the data shows that Hillary has won the popular vote by over one million votes. I know it's a long shot, but I'm hoping that there will be some rogue electors who will do the right thing. And that the electoral college will be abolished.

  4. Just found your blog, and it's been almost a month, but I'm still in shock over how the election turned out. Years ago as part of my college credit, I did volunteer work for Planned Parenthood. They were fabulous to their clients and took care of the women who had no health insurance and very little money. That was almost 30 years ago! I can't believe that our country has come to this.

  5. Today I discovered your gorgeous patterns and intend to make as many as I can. Thank you for your contribution to the world and this blog. My mantra over the next four years: We must keep the lights on for one another.